Terminal Treatment by Connely Packard

When A—’s sister picked up the phone to say that she was dead

I was surprised

She was supposed to say that she would call us back later to reschedule the appointment.

After all, I wasn’t treating her heart failure;

Why should it involve me?

I’m not sad, just surprised.

And when B— told us he didn’t need a followup appointment

because he is waiting to die

Because his cancer is out of control

I was annoyed.

He had just finished the prescription that we worked so hard to get.

It was supposed to save him from something else, but now it doesn’t matter.

I’m not sad, just annoyed.

I can remember when Dave died in the back of that pickup truck.

He died in that truck because the ambulance was broken and they took too long to get there.

His failing heart turned out not to be the real problem.

I don’t know why I still think about it, he was just the landlady’s husband.

When I was a child, I used to feel angry about it